


Reached the stars? Don't stop!

by Axier



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: "Short and quick" (according to the plan), Angst, F/F, F/M, I just wanted one about the jumps, I regret nothing!!!!!!!, Jim is reckless, M/M, Mostly without Starfleet!, Probably effected by Point Break
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-13 16:50:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5709844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axier/pseuds/Axier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, this is a story about a certain feeling. </p>
<p>Sometimes you reach the point where there is no way, not at all, to go forward. <br/>You just stand there, perfectly on the edge of an endless chasm.<br/>There is nothing left to do, nowhere to go.<br/>So it is time to jump</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted a fic about something like this, after the amazing jumps of Kirk in both movies.   
> Then the feeling came. And I wanted to get over it quickly - I don't really know why.   
> Now we are here.
> 
> I am not planning this to be long, and to be honest: our hero's fate is still undecided. 
> 
> Unbeta-d.

„You are kidding...”  
  
„Nope”  
  
„Jim, this cannot be serious! You cannot just walk away!”

„Why?”

„What? What why?”

„Why do you think I cannot just leave?”

„Because this is insanity! You are the captain of the-”

„The Enterprise, the mighty and majestic flasghip of the 'fleet, yeah, yeah.”

„This isn't just a sick joke? Something you made up with Scotty?”

„Hah, no! No, don't worry, I'm really leaving like...now! I have to hurry, the Sunchaser won't wait for me!”

„ _JIM!_ ”

„What?! What do you want, Bones?! I am leaving. Really. Seriously. I am leaving the Enterprise, the Starfleet, moreover I'm not even sure I will stay in the Federation-part of space. Yeah. All of it is true and real.” Jim's annoyance was palpable around him, but the doctor couldn't stop his wide-eyed, horrified gaping.

„But...since when? When did you....How long have you been planning this? Why didn't you tell me?”

„Oh, Bones, come on! This isn't on you! And I didn't really plan anything. The opportunity just came, righ after my round in the SpaceJump, but I can tell you: now I'm gripping this chance for a new life with the force of a Vulcan!” The lazy, amused and huge smile came back, the one he did all his packing with, during the last fifteen minutes.

„You want to leave your whole life behind, to join the group of those crazy, suicidal acrobats?!”

„Hm...well...yes!” now Jim grinned brightly like a kid.

„Jim, please! Please! Let me just run a quick scan on you. This is not you! You are not thinking clearly! I can tell something is off-”

„No”   
  
Bones was ready to do some pleading, but the interruption made him shut up in a sec.  
And suddenly McCoy felt very cold, because Jim turned and stared into his face, and in those blue eyes there was such a clear, unshakeable and emotionless determination which he had never seen in them ever before. That look on Jim felt unnatural and cruel.

„Bones, I am leaving. Right now. There is nothing wrong with me. It is a decision I think I should have made a lot earlier. And with those _'crazy, suicidal acrobats_ ' I am almost sure I will find what I always wanted. End of story.”   
Bones had never heard Jim speaking in a collected, calm voice like this. His throat tightened, and for a second he couldn't move when Jim grabbed his two bags, and with a sudden turn and quick steps left his quarters.

Then, with his heart beating a maddening rhytm, he ran after the kid.

He almost pushed off Spock from his feet when he collided with the Vulcan at the hallway, just outside the door.

„Spock!” he breathed out, when the other helped him regain his footing. He searched the hallway frantically, but couldn't see Jim.

„Doctor. I must ask you to help me understand a message from the Admiralty, stating the Captain's departure from the Enterprise and Starfleet, and-”

„We have no time! It is real! He wants to leave! We have to stop him! Where did he go?!” he yelled, and suddenly felt some stupid satisfaction when the well-known eyebrow-raise answered to that.

„The Cap...Jim just stepped into the turbolift when I left my quarters. I wanted to speak with him, but he didn't stop when I addressed him” told him the Vulcan quickly and quietly, and McCoy could have sworn there was distress in Spock's voice.

„We have to stop him!” he shouted and started to run again. This was something terrible, he felt it in his guts! They had to have a chane to do something! Anything. 

Neither said anything while they did a crazy competition to the transporter room. Only to find it empty, an ensign just stepping out when they arrived.

„The...the Captain?” Bones gasped, while he leaned against the wall, trying to force oxygen into his lungs.

„He just left, doctor” told them the startled young man.

„Ensign! Did he tell you where he went? What was the destination of the transport?” Spock's voice was collected and official, but somehow still ended up almost growling.

„He...he went to the starbase, Commander” yelped the ensign, with a few octaves higher voice.

„Doctor, follow me to the bridge, when you can!” snapped the Vulcan, and with a sudden turn on his heels, left them.

„The Hell with it! Hey, Ensign! Beam me down too!” he ordered the other human, and stepped up to the transporter pad.

At least the guy was so grateful for the Vulcan's absence, he was down in the unknown transport room in a heartbeat.

 

But Jim was right.

The Sunchaser didn't do waiting.

As soon as the young former-captain arrived on board, they left the dock, and warped out of sight only seconds later.

There wasn't enough time neither for a human to reach the docks in time, nor for a Vulcan and a communications officer to find the extravagant ship's frequency and ask them to wait.

 

 


	2. Bro time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comfort in a circus

„You are crazy, you know?” and with the challenging question a nice glass of unknown-but-alcoholic was put in front of him.

„Um...thanks? And I already told you, I was absolutely sure before the start about the triple-flip” he murmured, gripping the glass.

„Ah, I wasn't referring to that, you dumb human!” The impossibly light-blond man sat next to him on the iron. They could look down to the astonishing amount of crowd of the Sunchaser beneath them from here, as this part of the framework, and favourite place on the ship for Jim, was just above the main plaza.

Not a safe or normal place to sit down and think about things, but that never stopped any of them.

„Please tell me if I'm wrong, but I honestly believed some part of you is human too” Jim answered with a little smile.

„Not officially!”, answered the other with a terrible, totally fake painful expression on his face.

„What do you want, Crahyn?”

„I wanted to tell you how stupid it is, what you do!”

„Okay. You got me. Which part?”

„The part where you're sitting here, all alone, after that amazing new trick of yours we all want to murder you for, instead of sitting down there, taking part in...you know..that thing...oh what's the name...hm.....oh, yeah, life! That's how it's called!”, and there was again some terrible acting about hard thinking, then happiness for the solution, but then the mocking stopped, and more serious eyes looked into his, „You could have girls, or guys, for every limb you've got!” the other wiggled his eyebrows, then asked, „What the hell is wrong with you?”

„Maybe I just wanted to relax a little?”

„You...One of us....Relax?!” How the man snorted, then started to giggle was a good way to cheer Jim up a little. He smiled, and shrugged.

„I just thought about my life..from earlier! Not the present one” he admitted.

„Don't tell me you started to miss that!” Jim looked up from his drink, and the pleasant surprise which filled him was the best distraction from his memories. Because Crahyn's face was shocked, honestly this time, and maybe even a little worried.

„No. Not missing. No” he answered quietly.

„So...It still haunts you. Hm?”

„Yeah, something like that” he stared down at the crowd again.

„Jim. What's wrong?”

The question was honest. Too honest. He grimaced, then slowly answered:

„There was a man. He'd died years before we met at the SpaceJump. I never really had a father, but somehow he, many years after I had given up on wishing for one, became...something like that to me. I wonder what he would think now about...me. My choice to come with you guys, instead of Starfleet. He wanted me to be a good man. To do good things”, he dropped his head, „Maybe it is better he cannot see me now, cannot know what I ended up being”, he whispered.

The smack on his back made him yelp in pain. Crahyn was stronger than a human.

„You are stupid!”

„Yeah, okay, sure, great! Now tell me something I don't know!” he snapped with hurt and anger.

„Why would he think anything else but the simple fact that you had enough of the service and decided to live a life of your own? This is not bad”

„Giving up the service of a noble ideology? Stepping out of living and working together with others who serve the same thing? Leaving the Starfleet was leaving behind the very belief that a world can exist, where we are explorers, not conquerors, and we seek out knowledge and maybe...friendship with others, not treasures of their homes. The idea which the whole thing was based on...yeah, it was a noble and good one. Much better than many things humanity joined during it's history anyway”

„Nice speech. Well-practiced, I guess”

Jim only answered with a furious glare. He truly believed in all that!

„Look, Starfleet boy, I know you think there is nothing better and more filled with good-will than Federation and Starfleet, but let's face the facts: Starfleet has it's dirty little secrets too. And I thought you spent enough time among us already to see that we aren't so different......Oh, yeah, we don't fill anyone's mind with something like that oh-so-majestic ideology...”

„Hey, I'm not saying they are better than everything!”

„Yet, here you are, brooding about what that almost-father would think, because you left one space-traveling company for another. Maybe we aren't as famous and big as your beloved Starfleet, but we aren't bad either. With a little better management and PR, we could have thousands and thousands of applicants every year too, and soon: your Starfleet would end, beause everyone would wish to join us, not them!”

Jim stared at the other man for three heartbeats, then started to laugh. Histerically. And couldn't stop until his tears were flowing freely, because Crahyn's idea was so exsessive in surreality, he couldn't believe it was really said out loud! 

Thousands and thousands of crazy racers and jumpers and acrobats, most of them helping in really illegal acts from system to system.

Nice.

When he could finally breath normally, or at least more normally, he let Crahyn yank him up to his feet, and they climbed down together from the framework.

 

It was a night which could make a man never forget it, always bringing it up in his old age, calling it „the most fully-lived time of his life”.

He ended up with three girls, gorgeus purple-bluish skin, hair like angelic feathers, laughter totally like angels' giggles, and very-very mesmerizing flexibility.

They almost made him forget about Xessala.

Almost.


	3. The odds?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully nobody believed this is just a simple circus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a link between other chapters

The first three times had been easy. Much easier than the SpaceJump even.   
Really rich guys had asked for entertainment, so the Sunchaser had gone and given them that.   
And while they had been staring at the amazing show of the acrobats, all their ships, which they had been fools enough to bring and leave too close to the wonderful circus-heart, had been visited. No harm done, no injuries, only a few friendly guests jumping through the gap of space between ships...to leave a little bit later with a few lovely souvenirs.

 

But all of them knew this wouldn't be the case with the new one.

The Sancthyemon wasn't just a rich nobody's luxurious ship to do tasteless show off.

It was closer to a moving space base. With really good weaponry.

They had to pay a horrendous amount of credits only for the knowledge that the ship had weaponry. And they were really lucky their Orion hacker had found out in time that the blueprints -absolutely illogically expensive too- were fake. All of them.

They had almost nothing to do this action safely.

Yet, they all knew: they would do it.

 

Jim hadn't been part of the team when it all had happened. But he had been long enough among them to hear the story. The original owner of the Sunchaser. Who's idea was now their very existence. The brilliant and brave man who had wanted to do something good in the world, without letting pitiful rules stop him.

Jim knew he must had been dangerous with not just dreaming about such a life, but making it real.

But he saw how the Sunchaser kept on going after it's soul had been ripped out...and it was still about the original plan. Not ruined. Not corrupted.

He could only bow his head and follow.

 

So the Sunchaser's most hated enemy was the next target. The one who had killed the original captain.

They wouldn't stop.

Time arrived for payback.


	4. Hold on to me, cause I'm a little unsteady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea what I have been through...........

"Hi there! I hope you had a great day, Bones!!!! Now it will morph into a PERFECT day, cause you can hear my voice and.....

No....fuck this....  
  
  
  


Hi, Bones!

I hope you are alright....I hope you are still with the Enterprise! I hope you do everything for the crew with all that badass-med-magic-talent you got...and....I hope there are people for you...Who can take care of your grumpy, but of course charming as grumpy, self....

Yeah, I really hope this. 

I know there will be no answer for this. So I just...eh....  
Yeah, I know it sucks to just listen to my stupid mumbling and not being able to understand at all where I'm going  or see any reason behind this step of mine...Aaaand not being able to yell at me and make me shut up...

And I know I am the one, the unreliable, the traitor, who left! I know!!!  
  
But I miss you so much....Bones, I miss you. I miss you. 

You have no idea how much I miss you...

Do you have any idea how is it possible to feel pain, real, physical, messed-up pain because of missing someone? Some nights I just curl up in my bed and honest to God cry! Because it hurts! My chest, my gut, all of my muscles...

I miss you. 

And I miss the Enterprise. The ship, the rules, the messages, the missions, the work, the landings, the discoveries!! The hallways...The colours of the walls, all that white and sounds of the engines....The chair........

Spock's eyebrows and lectures, I even miss those! Uhura's wit...Scotty's madness with our lady! Your badass nurses! All that....

I don't think you can have the slightest idea about how I am for real. Cause this is crazy. I feel like...some parts of mine were torn out. And I am so lost. And at the same time I am fine. Smiling and radiating my awesomeness. There is so much to do always. There are so many of us! And this ship is huge! And the people here...aw...hm...well....I cannot describe this place's teamwork! There are no words!

But it is not like Starfleet at all. And I mean it like sometimes it is a bad thing...This...living-together-so-freely is great, but...there is a dark side. Here, everything and everyone serves one aim. If you are not okay with it, you are a nobody. And nobodies should not take up place here....

At first I couldn't see this. 

Starfleet has...many aims. And more...mercy...

I feel like...like....like I am always alone somehow here. I think I do matter to these guys, but not the way I mattered at the 'fleet...Here were run together, forming a group. Out or necessity....or...or....that's the nature of the thing. It is better to work that way, easier to reach our goal, as a group, you see.

When you are with the 'fleet, you have a group. You are in a group. You are part of a group.   
  
Fuck....I don't even know what I'm rumbling about....Sorry.

I am not saying I wanna go back, Bones! No...I just...I would love to have all the things I had there here. 

I wouldn't change anything! I made this decision!

And...eh....fuck.....there is no way back after all the things we did.........

And we cannot stop.

I never...never-ever believed I could do things like....

 

 

No. No, don't listen to me. I don't even wanna really talk about this. 

Sorry. 

 

I wanted to tell you one more thing. It is important. Life was unfair to you. And that bitch who took away everything from you? She should rot in Hell! Because you deserved...good things, Bones! I mean it! I think you didn't hear this enough times. Or you don't hear this enough times. But this is the truth! And I think you should have heard this from me a lot earlier and many, many, many times!   
And I am sorry that you didn't. I know you acted like you are though and uncaring about life breaking you...and like this whole tragedy is not worth mentioning...and you are fine...and fuck it all, I was a fool to let this happen that way....I shouldn't have let it slip away like that.

You deserved to hear it! That I am sorry for all those horrible things, for your loss, for your pain! I am sorry still! And you deserved better, much better things. A better life!!   
You have to know this, Bones.   
  


Life is short. Maybe our times will run out tomorrow! Or during the next two minutes! Time is not something that should be wasted and things which should be said out loud? No one should drown them in silence, because...of pride? Or being afraid of....well, what exactly?  
  
  


The sky is beautiful here, Bones. I wish you could be here with me to see. It is...like a fantasy. So many colours. And they are really powerful but soft too. 

It is something I will never forget. 

 

Hey...Bones? Can I ask you something? I know I left you....I know I cannot really ask anything anymore.

Hell, maybe you aren't even listening to this! Maybe you deleted it in the very second you realized what Starfleet's center landed there for you.....

 

But....if you hear me......Can I ask you one last thing? 

Please don't forget me........"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 _End of message_


End file.
